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So in case people didn't know, I've been a fan of sharing highlights and content for years now. I'd actually like to think we all like dabbling in content proliferation. It's satisfying to share something people enjoy, it's awesome to look back at that camera roll and remember a crazy fucking catch, then after a year or more you can reference that highlight in a meta way.

The early days were a struggle. We would have to dig up literal gif files of highlights. The elite few would control the flow of all content. But I had my sources - one of the better ones was in fact, 4chan. But not some random board, it was /sp/ that honestly was a founding member of the concept of live game threads. Where up-to-the-second clips and memes would be posted, reacting in real-time.

Throughout it all, a little known site called imgur was built so reddit users had a place to house their media for everyone to silently judge or downvote. This place eventually became a defacto home for clips large and small - but mostly small.

Clips had to be less than 5MB or 30 seconds to be hosted on imgur. So where the fuck do we put all those short, developing plays?

What about clips that need sound?? What the fuck do we do with those?

Sure, YouTube is a stalwart source,

But sometimes it pulls that fuckin bullshit.

We all needed something more dynamic, something that could be injected inline, something that I could share almost fucking anywhere.

So then came the streamables. The gfycats. Even the twitters. Shit could be embedded. Shit could be linked to directly. Shit, some of the stuff could be downloaded as a gif and you could then display it like any dumbass png or jpg.

You know, just like this,

Anyway. Somewhere along the line, us internetters became more organized. We started seeing dedicated subreddits moderated by very passionate volunteers. We got highlight threads every fucking game day (Thursday, Sunday, Monday, even Saturday).

Eventually, the NFL decided to flex their shitty, synthol-injected might and started tossing out abusing DMCA takedowns of any and all fucking clips that didn't come from nfl.com.

What did we do? We fought back because if there's anything that upsets people more than a video of a puppy wanting a belly rub and not getting a belly rub, it's people being forced to deal with a poor-quality video player.

Eventually a hero made a bot that would scrape the HTML and just direct-link the .mp4 video file.

In response, the NFL's front-end team tried to obfuscate that url.

So someone else made an even better bot that could find that now-obfuscated url.

Eventually, the bot died. Some say the owner simply moved on with their life. Some say that the NFL sent over some hired goons. Some say the bot was cancelled when it gave a direct link to Riley Cooper at that country music show,

Either way: the bot is dead. And with it, access to oh so many highlights and clips. At this point, I'm not going to put in any extra effort to provide free advertisements for the NFL. I'll toss maybe a clip onto streamable or onto my imgur account, but after that the NFL can go fuck itself with a football sideways.

Same with MLB. F1. Uhhh. Who else? PGA? Probably.

It's stupid. Just let people enjoy your fucking sport. It's nearly impossible to monetize that shit at this point unless you think you're going to NFT every fucking thing on Earth. And even if you try, I'm gonna fuck with you and do what I want, when I want.

Thomas

It was sad. It was happy. It was the best of times, it was the blursed of times.

Many strylines

Blah blah blah, I guess other storylines count, too.

Jags n ... ? BENGALS!

What a game. I know that I, as well as most of America was thinking

Thankfully, Joe "the best first name in sports" Burrow got his shit together and the Bengals pulled out the W against that dipshit head coach.

Early Games

Saints n Gints

WHAT THE FUCK SAINTS. HWERE WAS THAT SHIT LAST WEEK?? YOU FUCKIN DICKS.

Danny fuckin' Dimes. Making fantasy football team owners feel really weird feelings about having you on their roster.

With the other OT win by the Jets, it was a big ol' Sunday for the swamps of New Jersey.

Falcons n What Fuck The Team

Corderelle Patterson, in the 4 total games he's played for the Atlanta Falcons, has more three touchdown games than Julio Jones had in his 10 years on the roster. 135 games. Shit. He only had 60 total touchdowns. That feels fucking wrong.

I will give the Falcons some credit for having some of the most beautiful jerseys in the league. Probably in league history. Just look at that shit from Sunday - absolute fucking fire.

What isn't fire is the team defense. I found this on the ol' redditola:

If I'm Matt Ryan I am absolutely livid with the embarrassment of a defense that is constantly fielded. The Falcons have had two top ten defenses since 1998. FUCKING. TWO.

2017: Points: 8, Yards: 9
1998: Points: 4, Yards: 8

I'm sick of watching garbage defensive play year in and year out. Sign the Bulldogs defense. College players can get paid now. They would be an immediate improvement over what we have been fielding for the past 20+ years
source

Bill's n Tejans

All I can really comment on is that for the 2021 National NFL Football League Season, still unaccounted for: Houston Texans' Pride

What sorry sacks of shit.

Bears n Lions

So let's say theoretically there was a particular fantasy owner who has Jared Goff on their roster. And then there's another fantasy owner that has Justin Fields on their roster. With this matchup there's so much potential for an old-fashioned, high-scoring NFC North shootout. A black n blue division barn-burner.

If we extend our hypothesizing to various periods of the game, there is the era of a fourth quarter that some would deem "Garbage Time" in which a fantasy player can get some easy points because of a lack of effort by the defense.

One would figure that at the very least, this combination of quarterbacks in a theoretical Dual QB League, playing in a pass-happy NFL Football League, they could accumulate the points of at least two starter-worthy players.

Now. Take all that theory and distill it to:

I started them in a superduperflex league and only outscored the opposing QB by 1.5 points. I experienced a loss that hurt my bum.

What a stupid fuckin game.

At least Justin Fields looks like can throw a nice ball! After these two,

He must have like 30 points, right? Let's check!

....what the fuck.

Dophins n Lolts

I ain't got much to say about this one other than, Tua is on his way Tu-a different place.

Sucks that Jacoby can't quite take advantage of the situation to truly secure that starting position. He didn't seem this bad in Indy, not sure what the fuck is wrong with Miami. They got some solid offensive players. I think their line doesn't suck too much ass.

Ahh well. Not like I don't hate either of these dipshit teams. Fuck you Indy. And fuck you too, Miami.

Cowboys n Carolina Kittehs

Sam Lamarnold,

No wait,

Damn. Panthers got screwed by Jerome Booger,

Jets n Tittiesns

Imagine depending on a quarterback like Tanneyhill. Man, what kind of dumbass dipshit douchebag thinks someone of Ryan's caliber is enough to carry the starting QB position?

Fuckin' yeah jets. That zach kid looked fucking good behind center. Maybe we got ourselves a nice duo of rooks in the AFC East.

I'm OK with it.

Iggles n Chefs

Great oogly moogly.

This room-temperature smooth-brain of a headcoach in Philly thinks that they can beat the Chefs with a god damn offense of pure 3-pointers? The fuck he think he is? Steve Kerr?

Speakin of threes - Tyreek "a fucking domestic abusing shitface who assaulted his pregnant girlfriend" Hill grabbed three tiddies.

hehe.

That was probably in poor taste.

Browns n Vikes

Now That's What I Call A Tribute

how the fuck

AND GOD DAMN IT BAKER. PASS IT TO ODELL. NOT THE FUCKING MOON. YOU'RE NOT GOD DAMN JOSH FREEMAN. KEEP YOUR SHIT TOGETHER YOU FUCKING ADVERTISING MADMAN.

(congrats to Stefanski - currently surpassed the win total of the previous 3 head coaches with his 15th win)

Late Games

Rams n Cards

A battle of undefeateds! Do I care?

MAYBE!

Unfortunately, and you may recall this from an early episode of "What's up Joe's ass today?" about how much I fuckin hate the Cardinals' aesthetic. It's fucking garbage.

Shit, and they pulled off the dominating win, too. Am I seriously going to have to deal with this god damn team on primetime more often, now? Fuuuuuck me.

Honestly, my biggest takeaway was from a random internet comment,

Murray may be shorter than Stafford, but Kingsbury is taller than McVay. Checkmate

9ers vs Rainy City Bitch Pigeons

9ers employing the Feeley Offense (no kickers).

Gould hurt himself pregame or some shit, and the punter sucks dick at field goals. Just fucking go Greatest Show on Turf and never throw special teaams out there for fourth down.

As one can see, it did not work out for them very well.

Broncos vs. Ravens

Fuckin win, Ravens. Please. The Broncos are currently my most hated team in all of the land.

And thankfully, they delivered.

Bonus points for potentially pissing Steelers fans off with tying their record of consecutive 100-yard-rushing games.

Pack n Steeeeeeers

Congrats A-A-RON

Also .. I'm not really a fan of the eye-fucking going on here,

Do I seriously have to fucking worry about Rodgers coming to the Steelers in the offseason? Fuck, that would suck so much.

SNF

This game wasn't the absolute god damn blowout I (AND DON'T LIE: SO DID ALL OF YOU) expected at all, and that's with three fucking Patriots turnovers. If they didn't make any of those mistakes, I have no doubt that New England would have won by two or more scores.

But instead, it was a fucking heartbreak of a god damn game-winning drive by none other than Tom Brady .. but while it was in Gillette, that wasn't quite the same Tom Brady we all know and love.

It was a god damn Succubus.

Or some Omegakaren or some shit. I BEEN SHOWING YOU EVIDENCE.

YOU CAN'T DENY THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH OF THE MATTER. FLORIDA TOM IS BECOMING A KRAKEN KAREN.

Sorry sorry.

I'm just distracting from my inability to accept that Tom Brady just fucking quarterbacked a game-winning drive against New England in New England. Fucking hurts. Shit.

MNF

Raiders n San Diego Super-Chargers

God damn, what a fucking incredible fight song. FUCK YOU NFL AND YOU'RE FUCKING LICENSING.

It's deserving of a top spot.

But there is absolutely no beating whatsoever of the GOAT:

...

STOP FUCKING SHOWING THOSE GOD DAMN GRONK USAA ADS. WE GET IT:

GRONK'S FUCKING STUPID AS HELL. YEAH. HE'S GOD DAMN DUMB. FUCKING MORON. DR GENIUS, PAGING DR GENIUS TO DIAGNOSE A COMPLETELY BRAIN DEAD DUMBASS DIPSHIT TIGHT END. FUCKING STUPID.

Why you're here: SOXYANKS

If you're not interested, I'd keep on scrolling ...

1st Inning.

Took me forever to get a stream working on two separate computers so .. I missed most everything until..

RED SOX MONSTER DONG.

2nd Inning

ARod is fucking lame as shit as an announcer. Just please stop. Please. Then again, at least he's actually talking about the game. Man. Remember when the Red Sox actually got Alex? I remember seeing Millar come on ESPN and talk it up so fuckin much.

I wonder how reality would have turned out if the trade went through ...

Wait. 🤔 Did I move my car for street sweeping tomorrow? Fuck. I hate thinking.

3rd Inning

Whoops. What happened?

HOOOOOOOO SHIT BOYS. ONE MORE DONG! AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT BAT FLIP,

Love you Cole! You're the best Yankee I've seen in a long time. I hope you get all the credit and kudos you deserve.

4rd Inning

5th Inning

oh fuck, I forgot about this shit

6th Inning

Oh right, I was going to come back to this when the ads stopped.

Ahh well, WHO CARES BECAUSE WE GOT TO THE YANKEE BULLPEN AND BOOPED THAT SCORE TO 4-1 GOOD GUYS! FUUUCK YEEAH.

7th Inning

8th Inning

9th Inning

Weep not for us. But for the little 6th graders who have lived their entire lives in a world without a Yankees World Series title. Little boys and girls who have been taught that cheaters prosper. That Neil Diamond is better than Frank Sinatra. That Los Angeles is the greatest city in the world! To think such cruelty is possible! We live in a dystopia.

This was for Bronxie.

This was for the wasted $2,469,714,327 in payroll since the Yankees' last World Series win.

RECAPULATIONS

L - 126.58 (1-3) mzarecta

W - 137.02 (3-1) The Impossible Kid

What the fuck. The Impossible Kid racked up a decent 137 points - and that's after not even starting the best possible lineup. Shame that now all you have moving forward is spectacular uncertainty surrounding all of your player moves.

Well .. except for Patterson. Apparently he's arrived at his 4th career peak.

mza. You better waddle over and get yourself some better wide receivers.

W - 145.32 (2-2) Chubb and Tug

L - 125.20 (1-3) 91 Shrimp

What the fuck? How is it that everyone can scrounge together and start a fucking 30 point QB? Hurts? Darnold? Prescott? WHO EVEN ARE THESE PLAYERS??

HELLO?? WHAT'S GOING ON.

Goodbye.

W - 105.26 (2-2) SCHWAAAAAAAB

L - 104.46 (3-1) I Am The Captain Now

Welp. You dance with the low-scoring Devil, eventually you gotta pay the fiddler. It's tough to win in this league, it's even harder to never lose. And trying to win week to week with scoring fewer than 110 is simply not going to work over the long-run.

Now to take a live look into I Am The Captain Now's meeting room to discuss strategy,

L - 109.36 (2-2) Flip Flops & Coronas

W - 151.40 (3-1) Matural Light

Blah blah blah, fuckin Tyreek Hill

Yadda yadda yadda, 20 from Herbert and Elliott.

What the fuck. Flip Flops didn't even have a bad week by most standards. Plenty of solid production - and while he could have possibly gotten more from Tom Caren .. no wait, I mean Tom Karen, he just stood no fucking hope against this buzzsaw.

Shit man, Tyreek scored as many points as your top three ... combined.

What a stupid fucking hobby of ours.

L - 114.36 (1-3) Trinidad's Swollen Testicles*

W - 152.46 (3-1) The Scallywags

Who knew that swollen testicles could do so much damage.

*And if you thought that was the end of it - you'd be wrong.

Sajid Javid, the UK health secretary, was asked to comment on [...] the swollen testicles as well.

"When it comes to something as lifesaving as vaccines - in this country there are 112,000 fewer deaths we estimate because of our vaccine programme - they should be really careful about what they say and not spread untruths," he told BBC Breakfast.

Speaking to Sky News, he said: "People that are in the public eye whether they are a celebrity or a politician or whoever they are should be very careful with their language and certainly shouldn't be spreading untruths."

Source

L - 107.22 (1-3) TBD Thursday

W - 154.26 (2-2) Seyton Manning

This stupid fucking game.

The best thing to come out of this whole god damn piece of shit week would be,

Everything else? Fucking hot garbage.

Fin.

Hey. Good week everyone. Big fan of the sporting events that occurred.

With Marathon Monday II: The Autumnal Return coming upon us next Monday, I hope everyone plans accordingly: whether you're running, drinking, gambling, partying, working, resting, sleeping, fuckin (🍆💦💦), sobbing silently in the shower, have a great end of the week and weekend.

Much love. Stay healthy everyone.

Oh right, and I'm fuckin gone next weeked. I'm leavin the country to Canadia, eh? Specifically, Quebec City. Shit's gonne be a god damn haul but after having gone a couple years ago, I'm privvy to the knowledge that it's god damn mother fucking beautiful there at this time of the year. I'm giving myself a handicap though - bringing the pup with us.

Fuckin' a, lots of places that had outdoor dining/drinking before when we went ain't have it now, so we'll see if we have to just DIY and drink out of coozies while touring the districts.

Wait. What the fuck was the point of that? Oh right, yeah, don't expect any shit next week. Sorry to the 1.8 of you that read this per week (on average).

But more importantly - take care! Good luck this week you fuckers!