Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail.

That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier than a one-legged man in a shitkickin' contest. I gotta figure out a new deployment pipeline and fucking hell nothing's getting built. One of those next-level situations where it's got me wondering if I'm even good enough to be suffering from Imposter's Syndrome.

NFLAILING

Jaggin Saints

This shoudl have been such a larger asskicking than the 31-24 score shows. The Saints look like absolute fucking garbage. The offense is fucking terrible, and the relationship between Olave and Carr is a disaster.

This fuckin Olave guy literally just fuckin gives up mid-route over and over and over.

..and yet this Saints team fucked up the New England Patriots, 34-0. Jesus.

Only thing more pathetic is Amazon's attempt at being an NFL Broadcaster. Those miserable shitbags completely missed this touchdown celebration live:

COME ON. That's one of the better touchdown celebrations I've seen in like, a fucking decade.

Faders @ Brrs

Holy shit, the Raiders are such a disaster of a franchise. They gave up a win to the god damn Shepherd University legend himself: T-Bag.

When Mark Davis finally has the first opportunity to ditch Snake McDaniels I'm sure he'll leap at it and celebrate like he just won a WNBA championship afterward,

Since cheating his way to a 6-0 record on the Denver Dipshits Broncos, Josh McDaniels has mustered up a 14-32 record across three teams he head coached - one of which he literally didn't work a single fucking day for.

Josh is perhaps the greatest grifter the NFL has ever seen as a head coach.

BOROWNS @ Lolts

Man. The worst person you know just won a game.

I know the rest of America shared the same sentiment as I did when Deshaun was taken out after throwing his second interception,

But fuck. The Colts and Wildman Minshew just couldn't seal the deal against one of the most terrifying fucking defenses in the NFL. I want to root for them so fucking badly, but I just can't. Not with that shithead on the roster.

I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

What the fuck!? Good fucking god Myles Garrett is terrifying.

Bill's @ Greatriots

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

BACK AGAIN.

THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT. FUCK GETTING GRITTY.

LET'S GET GRIDDY.

That made sense, right!?? Maybe? Probably not.

WHO CARES. LET'S LOOK AT THAT GAME WINNING TIDDIE AGAIN

L O L
O
L

Get fucked, Buffalo.

WE RUN THE AFC BEAST

Commies @ GEEEEEEEEE-Men

Failcons @ Buccaroos

FUCK YOU ARTHUR SMITH. I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF BIJAN HAD MIGRAINES. JUST FUCKING MAKE HIM INACTIVE YOU GOD DAMN NO-CHIN-HAVING PILE OF SHIT. FUCK YOU.

Lions @ Ravens

Lions were so fucking terrible that even Greg Olsen looked fantastic in comparison,

Steeeers @ LARms

LA Rams want to win over the hearts and minds of Los Angeles sports fans by embracing their spirit and only showing up for the first part of games, then checking out before the end.

Cards @ Hawks

Did not fucking care about this whatsoever.

So here, have a pretty funny video:

Super Bowl XXXII Pt. 2

Going from Favre and Rodgers to Jordan Love has to be the worst fucking experience for any Green Bay Packers fan that lives off the deep ball.

What a bunch of fuckin losers.

CHARGE @ Taylor Swift's Boyfriend's Team

Facts:

As a self-described shit-stirrer and habitual line-stepper, I am loving how fucking angry people get over references to Taylor Swift during Chiefs games. She's one of the biggest fucking entertainers on the mother fucking planet and attending games of one of the biggest sports on the mother fucking planet.

No fucking shit people might want to talk about the crossover no one saw coming this season.

MIA @ Philly

I hate the Miami Dolphins. This is probably something I've written about a bunch of fucking times, but when it comes to my personal NFL Franchise hatred rankings, they are the 1b. to the Broncos 1a.

To see them fuckin suck ass like this is just ... wonderful.

Did you know that the last time the Dolphins beat a team with a winning record was over a year ago.

God damn fuckin frauds.

Fraudy 9ers @ VIKERS

SPEAKING OF FRAUDS.

GET THOSE TOM BRADY COMPARISONS RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Fantasy fuckery

L (3-4) SCHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAB

W (3-4) The Scallywags

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

The Scallywags pulls off an incredible come-from-behind win, getting 60+ combined points Monday Night across Addison, McCaffrey, and Hockenson to overcome a horrible, terrible defense of a dominant lead by Glock Purdy,

This league, man. Holy fucking shit, I'm in absolute awe of what I'm looking at,

What a fucking remarkable superflex: we actually saw a team start Tyson Bagent and Josh Dobbs, and fucking win. I dunno if we'll ever see some wild malarkey-assed shit like this ever again. I'm frankly in awe of this starting roster. It's making me feel old as fuck because I'm slowly losing touch with whatever fucking players are even in this god damn National Football League.

W (5-2) mzarecta

L (3-4) The Impossible Kid

Welp. Patrick Mahomes has returned to form and carried mza with Jonathan Taylor Touchdown (and a dabble of Dallas Joedirt) to his fifth victory.

The Impossible Kid kinda fell victim to TuAnon regression to fraudality and the Las Vegas Raiders being coached by a complete fucking dipshit, leading to an insanely pedestrian 9.2 points for Davante Adams. HE'S THE DUDE WHO WAS KILLING IT IN GREEN BAY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE RAIDERS?

BRIAN HOYER? AIDEN O'CONNELL?? WHAT THE FUCK?

There's no way on this dipshit Earth that Olave is the same quality as all-world receiver Adams. Shit man, Olave has done nothing but give up on like half his fucking routes and yet even he can muster a near-10 point performance. What the fuck are the Raiders fucking doing??

Keaeiountay Ingram had a solid goose-egg, but that's all right. No one even knew that human being existed in the first place.

What really adds salt into the wound is that Zack Moss was having himself a fuckin moment for a couple of weeks before JTT took the Colts RB job back - and to be playing against his ass this week is fucking brutal.

Hilarious, but brutal.

L (5-2) Matural Light

W (3-4) Seyton Manning

Weeks like these make me wonder how the fuck Seyton Manning has only gotten himself 3 fuckin wins this season. I'm also not really sure why he's also got the shitload of empty bench spots that he does as well. I frankly have no clue what I'm fucking looking at here, but since I'm extremely confused I can only assume he's taunting me with the insane production from his starting lineup while also demonstrating he doesn't have to utilize his bench to the fullest capacity.

Some would say the true Superflex is the taunting and insults we make during the fantasy football season.

PS. So is Justin Herbert good? Or did he like, peak too early in his career? Does he just have a garbage head coach? What the fuck is going on with that fucker?

L (4-3) Inglebert Paratestes

W (6-1) Eks Gone Give it to Ya

In what is probably the most fun pairing to follow this week, we got to witness the stupidest fucking quarterback matchups that produced only 0.08 points in scoring differential:

Howell outscored Goff by just 0.10
Then Fratford outscored Wilson by 0.18

Thank goodness for some studly showings from Paratestes' Pair of Testes, Kamara and Gibbs and then Taylor Swift's boyfriend and .. Josh Downs??

W (4-3) 91 Shrimp

L (3-4) I Am The Captain Now

Here we go. This is the shit I was expecting after that insane draft night. Multiple players on bye. A complete no-show by Kupp, and a fucking wild 3 red zone fumbles by Ridder (no picks, though!).

I could probably be bothered to feel some amount of pity, but no: mother fuckin Captain got to fucking live it up with 12+ points from fucking Allgeier. God fucking damn it, I specifically demanded that no one gets to benefit from any Bijan absences. I feel betrayed.

Blah blah blah, Hurts and AJ Brown, yadda yadda, Derek Carr played pretty well, beep boop holy fuck Najee actually showed up!

L (1-6) Flip Flops & Coronas

W (2-5) Neon Dion DeSantis

Hey: thanks a lot NFL head coaches. Really love seeing one of my cornerstone offensive players in Bijan Robinson get just one fucking carry for some inexplicable reason. Thanks for keeping him active and then having him do fucking nothing for me.

And also, super duper thanks for making DK Metcalf a game-time decision instead of maybe saying something earlier in the day so I didn't have to replace him with a fucking player who did worse than just keeping Metcalf in the fucking roster spot anyway. Super fucking awesome, I love this fucking hobby.

Flip Flops only had like, a number of key offensive players on bye this week. Forced to start that dipshit Watson who actually lost him points. Sure was nice to have some remote sense of hope going into this weekend, thinking that maybe I can capitalize on the bye week crushing his hopes.

The motherfucker literally had two fucking (Empty) roster spots.

My fucking fantasy season is god damn fucking toast.

Here is a diagram to demonstrate exactly where I lie on the toast spectrum:

Fin.

Welp. That's week seven. I got this shit done later than I wanted, and holy shit I'm sure there are a slew of typos/grammatical errors in here. Not really sure I had a chance to proof-read it at all whatsoever.

But who cares, at least there are a bunch of pretty pictures to look at. Some of them you may actually find to be humorous!

Let's get fucking excited for this final spooktacular week of October! Don't you dare fuckin forget to buy up as much candy as possible, and if you're like me and [borat voice] my wife, you'll have plenty of leftovers to regret eating while binging every single episode of The Fall of the House of Usher in one day.

Oh, we already did that last Saturday? Whoops, looks like we need to buy more candy!

Also, if costumes are your shit, don't forget about those either - otherwise you'll have to scrounge a bunch of random shit together like I did last year. Although, going as an electrician with an actual toolbelt is pretty god damn useful given the amount of pockets/pouches/etc.. it has. I could fit like, 3 handfuls of candy and 4 giant beers in there.

Anyway.. good luck everyone, unless you're playing me in which case, I hope you lose (spoiler: you won't), enjoy the return of IT'S-TOO-EARLY-FOR-FUCKING-FOOTBALL on Sunday with the debut of the Munich Games.

Take care out there, much love to all y'all.