I'm a stupid title with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt

WHIRLIE KERP

Oh shit, argentina won. wowzers n shit. Anyway, here's a video,

What? It's a video.

Shout out to Colleen Wolfe

Only one without gloves! Fuckin Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars, and what fuckin San Francisco? A little in Seattle? These fuckers don't know cold I guess.

That Colleen, with the boss move of raw dogging that cold mic, she's established herself as the only alpha at that table. Exactly what she needs to do to keep control of the situation from the ramblings of concussed has-beens.

NFL GAMEDOM

49ers at Rainland

Kittle and Big Crock Bock really got at it on Thursday. Motherfuckers partied down and lit up them Seapigeons. That said, 13 to 21? I thought it'd be some kind of fuckin blowout or some shit.

Ahh well, I'm sure those Purdverts out there are psyched.

Lolts at Yikes

What the fuck was this game. Holy shit. I thought Saturdaddy would have been able to play up to his day and hold onto a fucking 33 to zero lead. Seriously. What the fuck happened? What did he even say during halftime??

That poor fucking Matt Ryan. You know he has one of them monkey paws and wished people would just fucking forget about 28-3.

Just incredible shit.

Frank Reich punchin air still.

Baldimore Orioles vs Sexual Assault Havers

Yo. This game sucked. So fuckin boring.

And we came in after the first quarter. Those motherfuckers blacked that shit out during the end of the other game. I would have loved to put that shit on the second screen. Fucking horseshit.

At least all of America could see that Greg Roman is one of the worst possible coordinators in football. Holy shit. Those running backs were running roughshod (whatever the fuck that shit means) but end up heavy on Huntley? AMERICA WANTS MORE. WE WANT BETTER.

Squished Fish vs. Bill's

Yo. Fuck the Dolphins.

Also, holy shit Josh Allen. 300+ yards, 4 tiddies, and no picks. God damn what a performance.

The timing of the snow was just the icing on the cake. Perfect. That god damn Lake Erie effect coming in hot.

Failcons vs. Aint's

Saints/Falcons all-time rivalry is now tied: 54 to 54.

Steeeeeers at Pound Kitties

I dunno, seemed lke he was just bein stupid and tried sayin' hi to a friend. I can't believe he was busted for treason with it. Steelers should probably cut him since they're most likely have him executed by the state.

Iggles at Brrs

Jalen got hurt, so that sucks for iggle fans.

And god damn, bears almost had this one. Justin Fields is so fuckin good at running that ball. Throwing it? He's just chuckin ducks up there. Kinda blows that a soon to be multi-millionaire, professional quarterback, doesn't have the basic motions to toss a good ball.

Unforgivable.jpg

Chefs at Tejans

It would appear. That the Texans. Can play football.

I do enjoy the fact that no matter how well the Texans play, eventually they remember they're the fucking Texans and just fuck their own shit up royally and just lose.

And holy shit, Mahomes was 36/41. Ended the game with like 20 or 21 straight completions.

Lawlboys vs. God Hates Jags

The Jaguars are fun to watch.

It's like a guy with a small dick who knows how to use it. He has heart. He makes up for his lack of size with an unwavering commitment to giving it his all with every stroke. But really he has a lot of girth. You never think about the girth. His dick was never small. It's thick. And that helps more than anything.

The Jaguars are thick. Cowboys have been use to giving their girl the long dick. They got too confident, you ain’t OG Mudbone baby. Tonight your girl was feeling adventurous. She fucked with a man with some thickness. Girth Brooks. The dark horse of cocks. Your girl was tired of getting that deep dick. She wanted to be stretched & filled. Don’t ever underestimate how girth can make your girl feel.

Thank you Jaguars for teaching a valuable lesson.

Loins at NJ

The Lions are fuckin .500 holy shit. Good for them.

(probably should watch on a desktop/wider screen)

Now let's cut to Mike White again,,

Cards vs. Donkeys

Huh. Broncos got four wins.

Good for them.

Greatriots vs. Daaaaa RRRrrrrraaiderrrrs

Maaan. What the fuck was that shit!?

I'm sure all of you have heard all the fuckin clever variations of the stupid name they've giv-.

You know what, it's late on Tuesday and I got shit to do tomorrow. I'll get to doing the recaps and hopefully get that done quick.

OK! I'm all set with the recaps. Let's get at this shit.

Oh man, this game? Fuck.

Hah.

What a fuckin loosah.

Tittians vs. Charge

I guess Chargers want into playoffs.

And with the loss, those dumbass Jaguars are closer and closer in Tennessee's rearview. Gotta watch out for them 6'4" blonde quarterbacks.

Bengals vs. Tampa Brady

What the fuck happened here? Brady had like, a million touchdown lead. And despite losing to a second half beating ,, this was actually one of the Buccs' better games this season. Haha, that fuckin suuucks.

Gints vs. Commodes

So what's up here? A 40.5 point O/U that everyone is saying the refs fuckef up? I think it's just simpler to explain that refs are bad at their job. Or at least, a number of them are. But there's a type of job security that NFL officials get that most professionals must be jealous of.

Monday Night Football at Monday Night Football

Oh right. Packers beat the Rams in the biggest win of the week. That's right. 12 points. Biggest win.

Wow.

RECAPS N SHIT

Welcome back, friends! Hope everyone enjoys their stay.

And if not, well I ain't got shit else for you.

W - 150.48 (10-5) 91 Shrimp

L - 127.94 (7-8) Equitittious Saint Dumbledong

Well holy shit man. 127.94 is a fucking great showing, despite the fact that maybe you could have topped 137 if you started [checks notes] DAVIS MILLS!? Oh come the fuck on, that's just stupid. No one would do that.

150 is fucking stupid. You're stupid 91 Shrimp. You and your god damn incredible 34 points from a hurt Hurts, and then 24 and 22 from two other fuckers.

Jesus fucking hell man, and you're the Purdvert?? Fuck off, dude. God damn.

Congrats on the win, good luck next round!

L - 117.32 (8-7) Flip Flops & Coronas

W - 128.12 (9-6) The Impossible Kid

Ahh shit, I forgot about that fucking bracket again. How the shit am I so off with this shit? I blame the this fucking 19-week season. Wait, it's 19 weeks right? It has to be for everyone to play 18 gam-. No wait.

It's an 18 week season, because everyone plays 17 games with a bye-week. OK. Got it.

Anyway, I'll get that bracket sometime this year. Maybe. Probably not. But maybe.

Back to this shit: Congratulations Impossible Kid.

I have to admit, this is exactly the type of game you'd probably fuckin lose or some shit - NOT TO BE A DICK ABOUT IT - but like, I'd probably epect your major players to literally fall off a cliff, maybe get abducted by some world-reknown athlete kidnapper or some shit. Score 70 points while your opponent limps by with maybe 83. Just absolutely choking on any opportunity.

Again - no offense.

But yeah, shit man, I fucking hate how jealous I am of your stupid playoff win. Fucking playoff wins. What's so god damn special about stupid fucking playoff wins anyway. What do you get for them? Nothing. What does it matter to win at the end huh? Just a stupid awesome fucking trophy that you get to put a name plate on and it commemorates all the blood, sweat, tears and more tears that go into each and every fantasy football selection.

Fuck I love this hobby.

Fin.

Now what. We got two more weeks? As much as I bitch and moan about these things, they're so much fun to put together. Absolutely worth all the effort they take. Especially because y'all never hesitate to show your appreciation - and that's really all that matters to me.

Funny to think about when I first started this bullshit on that yahoo message board (I'm fairly sure they're mostly still there, but the formatting and images keep dying as time passes), channeling my inner-The League attitude. It felt much saltier then.

Posted through moving west. Through couch surfing. Through my trip back. Through trips to Poland. Through 4 years with [Borat voice] my wife. It's fuckin fun. Ain't fuck if I'm stopping.

I'll just introduce a bye-week or two.

But yeah,, as far as this season, it looks like we got our final four set - let the battle fuckin begin. For the rest of us, enjoy being a spectator and also enjoy the weekend! Whether you observe the weekend holidays or just enjoy the holiday season, hope you have a wonderful time. Much love to all of you fuckers - and don't forget to leave out a shot of vodka for Rudolph. It's important to keep his nose its reddest!

Happy Christmas and Merry Hanukkah!!