2023

I used to be with it once

Yeah so. This week's gonna be a little lean. While I don't have any league-wide memery to share, I do have specific targets of my ire: Deshaun vs. Burrow It was great watching how happy Joe was for Jake Browning, and I think that type

2023

Begun the Holiday Season Has

What am I thankful for? Well, first off I'd have to say all of you motherfuckers. For everyone who tirelessly clicks to open their email, and then clicks again to load the column, and then for those of you who go that extra mile and actually scroll through

2023

Happy Thanksgiving, my dudes

Happy turkey day everyone! It was kind of a wild week at work so I ain't got shit in regards to recaps for week 11 games. But I can't let y'all walk away empty-handed, so here's my best attempt. Ravens and

2023

Millennials always walking around like they rent the place

So I spent so much time coming up with these cryptic matchup titles, I kinda just didn't leave myself enough time to actually troll the information superhighway enough to steal memery and share it here. Which is probably for the best given that you've all probably

2023

Baby's first game

This past Sunday was a momentous occasion. No, not because the Greatriots righted the ship. No, not because I made any sort of shift in fantasy football. And definitely no, I wasn't anywhere the fuck near Munich for that fuckin game. It was mine and Rachel's

2023

See you later, spooky season

Baker Buccos @ Bill's All I got for this one is that Baker Mayfield throws a fucking beautiful hail mary. Just a crying shame Godwin couldn't come down with it, Baker Mayfield with the Perfect Hail Mary and Godwin with the least awareness of the ball in

2023

Help, someone pooped my pants

Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail. That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier

mo lewis

Happy birthday to the Camerlengo

I just wanted to share perhaps my favorite article of all time, posted in 2004 by Kerry Byrne on coldhardfootballfacts dot com to honor one of the greatest contributors to the New England Patriots: We hope you Patriots fans out there popped a bottle of your best bubbly or homebrew

2023

How you like them apples?

I played a little hookie from work and went apple picking last Friday. And let me tell you: I know a thing or two about apples and apple picking. Shit, I'd consider the region I grew up in as the land of Apple Orchards. With the the birthplace

2023

Hello, I’m Commander Biden. Bite to meet you

New Hampshah So what'd y'all do last Sunday? You all watch some football? Maybe dabble in a little bit of New Generation New England Futility? Perhaps renewing your membership into the fellowship of the miserable? The day “The Fellowship of The Miserable” was born…It was

2023

Postin like an avalanche comin down the mountain

Tim Wakefield The Man I know not everyone is a Red Sox fan. I'm sure plenty of you out there actually kinda sorta hate the Red Sox as an organization and team. Understandable. A lot of us die-hard fans hated them too. Shit, Tom Yawkee was a

2023

Busier than a cat at a laser show

Preamble It's come to my attention that people have found some discrepancies in a number of comments I've made in my past. Specifically, my rather mild opinion of, "fuck cheese." Many of you may have called into question the integrity of my entire column

2023

Battle of the Rotary Fast Foods

As per usual, if you ain't interested in whatever dipshit content I happen to have vomit this week, just scroll on down to the NFL Recapulations! Growing up, there was a rotary dubbed, the Ayer Rotary. Well, it goes by a more official name as well: Frederick Carlton

2023

It's easier not to be great

Fuck you, Thor Let me paint the weekend picture for you: It's mid-Friday afternoon, I'm trying to wrap up a bunch of dependency updates while yelling at my computer because fuck you, the tests worked before the update so WHY DON'T THEY KNOW,

preseason

The Armies of the Unfit

With the reappropriation grace period expired I need to go into one of the funniest fuckin moments online in recent memory. If you don't want to struggle through my absolute diarrhea of text, then just watch: However, if you're down for some typed word let me

preseason

That magical moment when everyone still has hope

(and no - I don't care if I've used that image before, damn it) What an offseason Welp. Football is back. The Hall of Fame game has taken place - supposedly - and .. well .. I'll talk about it later. It's been what, seven fuckin months

2023

The year is 2512 and the country has completed the 1000th McCarthy Vote, a tradition whose origins have long since been forgotten

Holy shit, I'm a little late I BET YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT. Yeah, I don't really know what happened there .. I'm going to point to two factors in my tardiness in publishing: 1. I guess I wanted to wait and see whether or not

2022

Hello League, I am Dennis Prager here to tell you that the smell coming from my pants is from THE LEFT, who have soiled my underwear once again

Food for thought Makes you think! Confused? Go ahead and read about a specific Kansas Chiefs superfan. Memes never die I don't fuckin care if the Dolphins and Bills played each other over a week ago. I'VE GOT MEMES TO SHARE. Simply the Best-a-gon

Happy Christmas and Merry Hanukkah

I'm a stupid title with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt

WHIRLIE KERP Oh shit, argentina won. wowzers n shit. Anyway, here's a video, What? It's a video. Shout out to Colleen Wolfe Only one without gloves! Fuckin Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars, and what fuckin San Francisco? A little in Seattle? These fuckers don't know

2022

Something something Qatari 2600

What the fuck I gotta do to get fired around here? All I wanna do is get promoted to customer. For the love of fucking God. Sorry folks, but as you've probably noticed the last 3-4 weeks, my heart is absolutely not fuckin in it. Not sure

2022

Aaaaand USA Lost

Followed by Poland. Stupid fuckin sport. Late Let's say, hypothetically, that you were, for instance, using my keyboard. Now keep up. Let's say that you, yes you, wanted to type up one of these columns. Hypothetically, of course. Now that we have established that you want

happy thanksgiving

It's not rocket appliances

Gobble Gobble Hey everyone! Hope y'all enjoyed the week and had a mother fuckin awesome Thanksgiving week! Despite the result of the Greatriots game, it was still such a fucking great day of football - one that I barely fucking caught because I was playing the god. Damn. HOST.

2022

Proper Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance

That other football I guess it's getting underway. Oh hell yeah, I'm super excited to continue feeding a monstrously evil capitalist grift of galactic proportions. Wait what is that? They just banned cheering with both hands while in stadiums? OK, as long as I can celebrate

power rankings

Title for the Week 10 Power Rankings during Week 11

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I just fucking emailed all of you earlier this week. It's just that skipping out on two straight weeks of power rankings left me in a state of near giving a shit. So with this building guilt, I set upon sculpting my content.

2022

Say Pizza to Drugs

In College I Studied Abroad or Two Big fan of that NFL Europe thing. I loved the Amsterdam Admirals, perfect team to play against so I could earn the maximum amount of Madden Cards as I could. But I guess Germany has better singers or some shit, This is UNBELIEVABLE.