regular season

regular season

A collection of 51 posts

pee pee poo poo

pee pee poo poo

OK. Well. A lot of shit happened over the last week: Football for four straight days (or three out of four for folks like myself who don't really care all that much about amateurs). At least one Thanksgiving-related celebration. Winter storm on Tuesday. And any child-borne related illnesses

In memory of Gobbles

In memory of Gobbles

Texans rustle some Bluecows ok google, show me an image that describes the Buffalo Bills' Super Bowl window, Chi-town Steamers Steelers Steelers waking up on Monday checking the standings, Haha, get fucked Steeltown Chi-town? You're one fuckin win away from the #1 seed in the NFC. Hope

These are hard to come up with

These are hard to come up with

The Greatriots Rise INSUFFERABLE LEVELS ARE RISING TO UNSUSTAINABLE LEVELS 🔊 has sound 🔊 Let's fuckin gooooo. A little messy of a game, but who doesn't enjoy a little slop?? A win is a win! ¡Dios Mio, Los Delfines! Me? Tune in to a 930am game to watch

Post that I swear to name later

Post that I swear to name later

W (4-6) How's ya mom and dem L (2-8) The Scallywags Well shit. Don't look now but How's ya mom and dem is 4-2 over his last six and easily could have been 5-1 if he scored 0.09 more points in week 9.

There's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend

There's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend

Sandy pigeons Let's start the season halfway point down in Sunny Mee-ah-mee where the Dolphins are doing their best impression of big fat honkin' boobahs in that they are made to absolutely suck. Tua Isuckallovah is back in rare extremely common form, playing like absolute trash. I&

Fantasy Football: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Fantasy Football: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Vikes @ LAClippers We begin our recap between the battle for that one chick fan who seems kinda cool, Yeah, that's the one! What started with so much promise, actually never started at all because this game in all reality could have been dressed in a colonial rayadillo uniform

Post title

Sorry for bein so late with the column. Stupid god damn Amazon goes down and it keeps me from being able to do fucking do anything. I couldn't drink water, I couldn't watch any god damn TV, I couldn't cook anything on my grill,

The Power of Friendship

The Power of Friendship

WE GOING IN DRY FOLKS, NO FOREPLAY THIS COLUMN, Broncos @ Jets OK. How are these games not starting an international incident? I'm so fucking happy I don't a shit about the London game at all whatsoever. Like, who the fuck gets up for this shit? I&

Trying is the first step towards failure

Trying is the first step towards failure

Hey hey party people! So this week, fuck going over all the games - I ain't got that kind of time, so instead I'm going to just free-flow a bunch of garbage and still end up with some behemoth 2,000+ word shitshow of a column.

Folks, when you're right 52% of the time you're wrong 48% of the time

Folks, when you're right 52% of the time you're wrong 48% of the time

Let's talk football. But first, time to get into the mood: Rainy City Bitch Pigeons @ Cards What in the doodoo-batter-splatter were those Cardinals Jerseys? Now, I consider myself a huge fan of a nice clean jersey, and those fuckers weren't clean whatsoever - by design. Endzones

Is it week 4 already??

Is it week 4 already??

Oh shit, are you all still here? My bad, I guess I did say I'd be back after a couple weeks so here I am. Uhh, well you're definitely not going to get any sort of recap of NFL games like I've done in

Somehow, Joe has returned

Somehow, Joe has returned

Rachel, if this is you the don't worry - I'm not going to start my column back up again and totally disregard taking care of our house, working my job, and helping to raise our child. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rest of league, helloooooo! Buckle up, buckaroos - the boy

A new season has entered the chat

A new season has entered the chat

Welcome welcome welcome! It's time to kick off the 2024 Fantasy Football Season and boy oh boy is this year going to be fucking full of exhausting surprises both on and off the football field. We've got a new kickoff rule that I don't

"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

NFL stuffs So like,,, I'm writing this as of approximately [checks watch] 6:41 am sooooooo... yeah. You ain't gettin' SHIT. Maybe next week when I have fewer matchups to cover. .. Oh who am I kidding, I can at least post a handful of bullshit

I used to be with it once

I used to be with it once

Yeah so. This week's gonna be a little lean. While I don't have any league-wide memery to share, I do have specific targets of my ire: Deshaun vs. Burrow It was great watching how happy Joe was for Jake Browning, and I think that type of

Begun the Holiday Season Has

Begun the Holiday Season Has

What am I thankful for? Well, first off I'd have to say all of you motherfuckers. For everyone who tirelessly clicks to open their email, and then clicks again to load the column, and then for those of you who go that extra mile and actually scroll through

Happy Thanksgiving, my dudes

Happy Thanksgiving, my dudes

Happy turkey day everyone! It was kind of a wild week at work so I ain't got shit in regards to recaps for week 11 games. But I can't let y'all walk away empty-handed, so here's my best attempt. Ravens and Bengals

Millennials always walking around like they rent the place

Millennials always walking around like they rent the place

So I spent so much time coming up with these cryptic matchup titles, I kinda just didn't leave myself enough time to actually troll the information superhighway enough to steal memery and share it here. Which is probably for the best given that you've all probably

Baby's first game

Baby's first game

This past Sunday was a momentous occasion. No, not because the Greatriots righted the ship. No, not because I made any sort of shift in fantasy football. And definitely no, I wasn't anywhere the fuck near Munich for that fuckin game. It was mine and Rachel's

See you later, spooky season

See you later, spooky season

Baker Buccos @ Bill's All I got for this one is that Baker Mayfield throws a fucking beautiful hail mary. Just a crying shame Godwin couldn't come down with it, Baker Mayfield with the Perfect Hail Mary and Godwin with the least awareness of the ball in

Help, someone pooped my pants

Help, someone pooped my pants

Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail. That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier than

How you like them apples?

How you like them apples?

I played a little hookie from work and went apple picking last Friday. And let me tell you: I know a thing or two about apples and apple picking. Shit, I'd consider the region I grew up in as the land of Apple Orchards. With the the birthplace

Hello, I’m Commander Biden. Bite to meet you

Hello, I’m Commander Biden. Bite to meet you

New Hampshah So what'd y'all do last Sunday? You all watch some football? Maybe dabble in a little bit of New Generation New England Futility? Perhaps renewing your membership into the fellowship of the miserable? The day “The Fellowship of The Miserable” was born…It was

Postin like an avalanche comin down the mountain

Postin like an avalanche comin down the mountain

Tim Wakefield The Man I know not everyone is a Red Sox fan. I'm sure plenty of you out there actually kinda sorta hate the Red Sox as an organization and team. Understandable. A lot of us die-hard fans hated them too. Shit, Tom Yawkee was a racist

Busier than a cat at a laser show

Busier than a cat at a laser show

Preamble It's come to my attention that people have found some discrepancies in a number of comments I've made in my past. Specifically, my rather mild opinion of, "fuck cheese." Many of you may have called into question the integrity of my entire column